Obfuscating Osama

Dear Barack,

You came, said “we” could and ostensibly did it all on your own, handing out little pills of hot air as take home gifts after the partying was done. Take two and make sure you swallow, it said in big bold letters on the box.

Everyone loves presents Barack and in our excitement we ignored the writing. We didn’t swallow… and we didn’t just stop there, we actually chewed the darn thing… slowly… masticating then ruminating… which was an absolute no-no according to the fine print.

I’m lazy, I never read the fine print on anything… but then a friend sent me a message a while back and so i kinda glanced at it. Oops…. so according to the box I am liable to be branded a traitor to world peace, no friend of America’s and a threat to humanity if I disregard the instructions on the box. Or at the very least and only if I’m American, Christian and have lost a child in combat will I be clubbed with Cindy Sheehan who most patriots think went coo-coo after she lost her son in Iraq. So she falls into that category of the unfortunate that you leave alone to yammer on with their “theories”, casting an indulgent look at the poor ‘biddy’ every now and then just in case she proves to be a real threat and gets recruited by Assange.

So I shall go on at the risk of never getting a US visa or being labeled a security threat by America because hey! guess what, I have a mind of my own and I’m not buying your word. So you and yours can label me a ‘conspiracy theorist’ or whatever you will and we can trade names.

Anyway here’s my message Barack. I want proof. Proof that Osama existed in that compound. Proof that you killed him and not some poor schmuck you dressed up to resemble him. Not some hollow crap like your predecessor in office dished out when he invaded Iraq to find weapons of mass destruction that weren’t there… then stood by as the puppet administration you put in place strung up Saddam in Klan style for the world to see. But hey America didn’t do that. It was the indignant Iraqi’s who hung him, you’ll argue… Yes, we agree… but we sneaked a peek behind the curtain and saw the puppet masters  at work pulling the strings.

Who made America the class bully? Is that the message you are trying to send to your little girls Barack… that it’s okay, no, in fact it’s your holy Christian right to invade other countries if we perceive them as our enemies. I doubt Jesus would approve Barack and you have just made the world an even more dangerous and hateful place to live in.

But on another note, I do believe that Pakistan has played haven to terrorists as have a host of countries, including your other friends – the Saudis. So I don’t particularly care if you decimate Pakistan and I would be glad if indeed you have got rid of Osama. What I do have a problem with is your methods and the disparity with which you operate… one set of rules for you and another for the world. So while you play Rambo, the rest of the world cannot?

You funded Pakistan Barack just as your predecessors have funded dictators and governments who then remain pawns in their hands to do with as you please. Pakistan cannot complain, though you and I both know that it won’t be long before the military takes some form of retaliatory action. But I’m sure you have preempted that. I would love to see how that part of the story unfolds.

I seem to have digressed and so I return to the matter at hand. I know your ratings had plummeted Barack and next year seems too far away to contemplate a revival… you knew it was now… you had to act now… But then Easter came along and you took a little break and went to Church like a good Christian and… Geronimo! Dang it! Resurrection was staring you right in the face and there you were wasting time, busting your speech writer ‘s ass to come up with pithy one-liners to counter the Don’s bid for the House when here was the answer to all your problems … Donald Trump be damned and fired… Jesus is a saviour!

So you went home and while George Clooney traipses over Darfur, trying to almost single-handedly move the UN to take some action to alleviate the misery of the people in that region, and countless people in other conflict zones reel under civil wars and genocide and women and children worldwide get raped and driven into hunger, disease and prostitution and the middle east boils over, you sit with your calculator computing the millions of American tax-payer dollars you’ve spent on funding a war against a ghost… a man who possibly died years ago from kidney failure… from whom no one had heard in years, simply because he was…. dead.

And you praised the Lord, raised the towel head from the dead, killed him again and suddenly the world is a better place.

By Jove… sorry… Geronimo.

Belated Easter wishes Barack….

Amen.

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